Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
