I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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