I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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