just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize