We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
