My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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