I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
