Cold hands, warm shart.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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