i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize