i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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