I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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