matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
