Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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