Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
