Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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