i think i have herpe
just one?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
