when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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