So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
