my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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