i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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