Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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