I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
