Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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