Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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