i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
