just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
