just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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