so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
