She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
