You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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