could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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