We should be called the Road Head Warriors
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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