the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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