I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize