Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
