i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
