he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize