If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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