Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
