There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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