Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
