Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
