I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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