I wish my penis had an off switch
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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