so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
