it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need a beard to bite.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
