I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
