whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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