he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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