i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
