Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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