I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
