Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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