wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
