you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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