I think im going to throw up on grandma
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
