Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
