A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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