We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
