My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
