Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
