Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
