yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
