maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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