I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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