Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
