You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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