I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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