Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
