If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
