I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Found the puke drawer
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
