Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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