i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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