I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
