I hate your face
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
