she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize