I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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