Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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